The Fish

Sometimes i just get fed up of myself..........!!! *ouch*!! (*^*%^%#^%&

*************

Recently, uncle brought a big, live fish for us.... It had been almost 1/2 an hour out of water and it still had life in it... Finally he had to break its neck to kill it................................... ermm.... yea... >.<!

Well.. that's not the point. The point is, it reminded me of those days back during my childhood when he used to bring lots of fresh water fish to our old house... It was a wonderous  sight for me and my cousin.

And it also reminded me of my grandma.... How i wish she was here right now.... She was one person who really wished to see me get married....... In fact, that was the last thing she said to me.... when i last met her alive...

While cooking, when i opened the bottle of tamarind, the smell of it brought back some other nostalgic memories of about 12+ years back....
I used to go to a distant neighbour's house together with my next house neighbour to bring fresh milk home.
And on the way, there was a tamarind tree and most of the time, we used to pick good, unopened tamarind off the ground and have it on the way to and fro.... I still remember the sweet old times i spent with that chechi and her 2 sisters....


Its surprising how a fish can bring so much memories............... =D
So this post is dedicated to the Fish which brought me back to my good old past and, of course, darn tasty it was! =D

*************

ouch!

I guess i spoke too soon.........................................................................


*******************

*ouch* !

increasing heat

Sometimes i've wondered what those lovey-dovey couples speak over the phone for hours.. =D

I mean.... i've mostly believed in this.... "speak when you're spoken to" and "speak only if/when its necessary"............................ not anymore i guess.....

Sometimes certain changes in life make u realise that what u thought u learnt in life, was all rubbish! =D! And the above mentioned is one of them... 

I was a kind of a person where by i would look for my phone only when someone calls me.... or else i wouldn't even know where my phone is..................... and the maximum time spent speaking over the phone was 10 mins.... lol... 

After breaking the record of 1.5 hours, i realized u can speak for hours without anything in particular...

After disconnecting the phone, when i thought about what was spoken, i couldnt remember much.....

But i guess that's what communication is... Its not about what was spoken, but what was understood. 

I guess i'm starting to like communicating... 

*****************

Lots of trees are cut down along the road in my place..... due to the widening of the road.... and i can actually feel the heat..... All these while, i simply wrote essays and talked about deforestation and its consequences and all but now i'm literally experiencing it... When traveling in bus, i can feel the warm air... even the wind is hot... The last time i felt this was in Madras long time back...

If cutting down this small number of trees make such great difference, just imagine what felling of a large area of forest will do to the global temperature of the world!

*****************

Change

Have i changed?.... Do i feel any change?.... Am i supposed to change?......
=)
I dont know .....I don't know....... and....... of course, i dont know....

******************

Now my number of family members have increased...... It has doubled actually.....
All these while, my parents and relatives kept in contact with each other and i was part of it and i didnt have to make any special effort to maintain the good relationship with them...... but now.... it is I who should take the initiative.... And all this is really new to me....... And i have absolutely no idea how i'm going to do that......
If i were an out going and out spoken person, it wouldn't have been as difficult i guess....


But i have a feeling that everything will be alright..... i hope it will................................... =)

eye opener!

I guess finally its starting to sink in.......... that i am going to get engaged...
All these while, when ppl would ask me about the engagement, i would say... yea... he's from so and so place and working as this and so on...... But  never did it occurred to me that there were only about 10+ more days for me to get engaged... yea.. me..... not anyone else but me......................
All these while, it was like happening to someone else....... but ........... no.....

***************

Going shopping for engagement dress made me realize how alienated i was from fashion and trends...
I know what looks good and what's supposed to be worn and what the latest trend is and all...... but imagining it on me!!??..... no way!
I felt sick.... literally sick..... when i saw all the heavy, glittery, stoned, shiny apparel!....
I'm not exaggerating but after looking though about 5-6 types of clothes i could feel my stomach turning into a knot and felt like throwing up......
What do i do??... How can i escape from this???....
I wonder if there is any kind of phobia of this....... extreme fear of wearing shiny/stoned/glittery clothes.. And if i'm suffering from it!..... 'cos this fear and uneasiness is unexplainable..

***************

I've got soooooo much things to do that i have no idea what to do........................
If i stay at home, its not gonna happen......  if i go to work, it will never happen....... I dont know whom to talk to....... well...... i dont know what to talk/ask in the 1st place......
Feeling confused..................... very confused!

I guess its time again for me to find solace in God.....
If no one else is there...... God is and has always been there for me...... =)

***************

Rain

I've always liked the Rain... but now i think i've fallen in love with the rain.
In the past i used to enjoy the rain only in the comfort of my house. I used to get irritated when i have to travel in the rain, especially with wet umbrella and wet clothes in a crowded bus and all..
But now i dont mind it.. In fact, i love it. Maybe its 'cos i get lots of opportunities to walk in the rain nowadays.

The sound of rain rhythmically falling on the umbrella... The misty droplets of water on my face... The (clear) water gushing past my feet.. The 'splashy' sound it makes when i walk on a large puddle of water...
Sometimes when there aren't anyone around, i stretch my hands to the edge of the umbrella to catch the rain water running down the sides. Many a times, i had wished to walk in the rain without an umbrella.. Well.. i guess its not possible... at least for now... =D!..

The sound of the rain... The sight of the rain... everything makes me go all twinkly inside.
 One of my favourite songs..........

Yet another dream..

Yup as the title suggests...Yet another dream...
That my hometown(K**i**r) had a volcanic eruption... i know i know... its absurd but that 's what i dreamt! Have got no idea why...

I was carrying my cousin's child (in reality she has got no children.. LOL) and i was standing at a big barren ground (in reality there really is a ground at that place). And all of a sudden, the volcanoes erupted ... 2 of them actually... and i was panic struck.. My first thought was .. omg i must get him to his mother.. and hope they;re safe and all... and i ran towards their house ... when i was half way i realized i had left my brother back there... and i was devastated!... and then somethings happened .. cant remember what...
Then reached aunt's house and all were panicking and we could see lava slowly flowing down the volcano's wall.
We all got into a car and were recklessly driving to a safer place..... and of all ppl the driver had to be............................................... LOL! No it was not me!... =D!

When i woke up, after the hangover of the dream faded, i was literally laughing out loud... But it was definitely not something to be laughed at in the dream..


************************

What's wrong with me?... Just cant seem to concentrate.. Mind's wandering and the worst part is i don't even realize it..... Need lots and lots and lots of luck to pass this exam!!... Wonder if they allow sup paper for this ... really hope they do... oh God!


************************


You know that empty feeling you have and you've got no idea why..
The feeling just creeps up to you and grabs you and throws you down the abyss and you just fall..... forever... not knowing when or where you'd land..
Do i really have no idea why?... maybe i do...
and the endless battle of IFs and WHYs and HOWs in my mind ... and finally all 3 loses the battle and i just sit there and wonder.... why do i even bother for Heaven's sake!

************************
A person who reads my blog may not understand a single thing about what i'm talking about.... neither do i.......