I ended up bursting out crying just now.. I'm scared .. I'm frustrated.. I'm cranky.. I'm hyper at times.. I'm out of mind sometimes. I don't know what to do.. I don't know who to talk to..
Corona is scaring me.. That's for sure. But.......... I don't know what's happening to me.........
In the past I used to be able to write my feelings out even if I was not able to vocalise it. Now even that is not possible. And it's driving me crazy. Here I am crying my eyes out and simply typing away in my phone... :(
God.. Help me!!
This isolation is driving me crazy..
An introvert forced into self isolation is not a pleasant thing.
Saturday, March 21, 2020
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Hibernation mode
I feel like I'm going into a hibernation mode.. weird.
You know how a laptop kind of slows down and the lights dim before turning the screen off when it hasn't been used for a while. Suddenly when someone touches the touch pad it just kind of startles itself back to life. That's how I feel now.. Now as in, for the past few days. I don't realise the passage of time..
I have been burning the food in the kitchen. I completely forget that something is kept on the stove. Only when it's burnt to the core with smoke do I realise that something was there on the stove.
Only after 2 or 3 whistles of the pressure cooker do I realise that the whistle had gone off and I don't know how many had gone off.
I guess I'm subconsciously nodding off. I'm turning into a walking zombie. I'm nodding off with my eyes open.
I don't realise the passage of the week or months for that matter. Even when it's Friday, I would think that it's still Tuesday or Wednesday.
Something is happening to me.............
:( !!
You know how a laptop kind of slows down and the lights dim before turning the screen off when it hasn't been used for a while. Suddenly when someone touches the touch pad it just kind of startles itself back to life. That's how I feel now.. Now as in, for the past few days. I don't realise the passage of time..
I have been burning the food in the kitchen. I completely forget that something is kept on the stove. Only when it's burnt to the core with smoke do I realise that something was there on the stove.
Only after 2 or 3 whistles of the pressure cooker do I realise that the whistle had gone off and I don't know how many had gone off.
I guess I'm subconsciously nodding off. I'm turning into a walking zombie. I'm nodding off with my eyes open.
I don't realise the passage of the week or months for that matter. Even when it's Friday, I would think that it's still Tuesday or Wednesday.
Something is happening to me.............
:( !!
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Just a fraction of a second
It only takes a fraction of a second to feel utterly worthless.
Why am i letting other people decide how i feel???
Over days and weeks i would preach in my facebook posts about how you should take control of your emotions and stay strong and be who you are and all kinds of crap and within seconds a mere change of an expression from a stranger can make me feel depressed.
That feeling of having something heavy deep down in your stomach... the urge to just lie in bed... the feeling of having the urge to wail out in emotional pain but being numb instead... having no appetite to eat even when you are starving... the physical aches and pains for no reasons known.
What makes it worse is having a little angel hovering around you with so much of love and enthusiasm but not being able to reciprocate the same kind of love back.
Honestly sometimes i feel that i shouldn't have had her. If only she had been born to a better mother..or rather a better human being. How i wish............
PC : https://medium.com/@annastasya/how-to-overcome-emotional-pain-a925de33f85b
Why am i letting other people decide how i feel???
Over days and weeks i would preach in my facebook posts about how you should take control of your emotions and stay strong and be who you are and all kinds of crap and within seconds a mere change of an expression from a stranger can make me feel depressed.
That feeling of having something heavy deep down in your stomach... the urge to just lie in bed... the feeling of having the urge to wail out in emotional pain but being numb instead... having no appetite to eat even when you are starving... the physical aches and pains for no reasons known.
What makes it worse is having a little angel hovering around you with so much of love and enthusiasm but not being able to reciprocate the same kind of love back.
Honestly sometimes i feel that i shouldn't have had her. If only she had been born to a better mother..or rather a better human being. How i wish............
PC : https://medium.com/@annastasya/how-to-overcome-emotional-pain-a925de33f85b
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