an unproductive day...

Today was totally, completely, utterly, an unproductive day..
Woke up with bad dream again..... i dreamt that i fell into a well.... a very deep on... not once but twice...
Once i fell into the well accidentally/unknowingly and second, i did that on purpose. It was scary... But somehow i surfaced and came out... or was it someone threw in rope for me??.... i dont know... i cant remember...  This blog is becoming more like a Dream Log Book.

Didnt study anything today... i have no idea how i'm going to pass the exam!...

Feeling dejected.. completely down in the dumps! ... i'm doing this to myself i guess... reading sad posts and when it relates to my life, i brood over it... I need to get away from here asap!!.... or i need to get back to my drawing/ painting/ sketching/ shading.... whatever!!.... i just need to get my mind out of this s***!!

I guess i'll get over it... somehow... like i always did..............................................

a sad dream...

I had a dream today... i really disturbing one...
It goes like this... alot of things had happened before this but this is the part where i remember quite vividly.
My grandma and i were walking along a street or something.. and it was night time and there was a lot of people around.. there was some carnival or something.. and my grandma was holding the hand of a child almost about 3-4 year old. The child looked....well..=( he looked like a really burnt child. Almost burnt to his bones... one of his hands had no palm... and it was like almost burnt to the bones with just a thin layer of white flesh cover it... and his face was also in the same condition... I took once glance at him and looked away as i could not bear the sight and didn't want to break down.
He was trying to tiptoe to see the things around as there were people standing in front of him blocking his view. Then i asked him, "Do you want to see?" (In my language) and he nodded. So i picked him up and carried him in my arms.
He was so happy and was looking around and laughing! At that point of time, when i saw him how happy he was even with his condition this way, i couldn't bear it anymore... i hid my face behind a pole nearby and started weeping... uncontrollably.... Then my grandma came nearby... she didn't say anything... she just put her hands on my shoulder and consoled me..  'Cos of me crying, my nose was blocked and not being able to breath woke me up i guess.
It was a very sad dream... not sure y... but i guess its connected the event that happened day before that made me have this dream. My aunt had to go through an abortion the day before. But i didn't know it had affected me this much..
I've heard somewhere that dreams are what our subconscious mind is trying to tell us.
Most of the time i wont be able to remember the dreams 'cos i'll be literally jumping out of the bed everyday =D!...
But its interesting... to have the dreams interpreted and to know what it means and all.. =)

Me in SG...........

Its has been 5 days since i came to SG. And on the second day itself, i felt like going back to my dear old K.  Not that SG is a bad place... Its great, infact.... but blame it on my "Sense-of-Belonging" attitude.

Back home, i yearned for some free time... with extremely packed and busy situations, i wished for some time for me to sit quietly and take deep breaths.. but now that's all i do............ just breathing!!
Totally, completely, utterly bored!
Wakes up late... have breakfast... turns on comp (FB)...shower... have lunch...back on FB...have dinner...sleep.
The next day the whole cycle repeats itself.
Upon seeing how bored i was, the chechi here gave me some books... 3 to be exact. "You are Here" (which i have finished reading), "The Winner Stands Alone" by Paulo Coelho (author of The Alchemist) and "Day after Tomorrow.
One eve, i went to meet my friends... which is the only thing that makes me want to come back to SG. It was great... The 3 of us... again... just like old times... but Sha had to leave early.. Fel and I went to Pizza Hut and had Pizza while catching up on our lives.

Well, has Singapore changed??.. no, not really... The same kind of ppl, same kind of service (which is good of course), as usual.. great variety of food... (yum yum yummy) Hehe!!

The only thing that has changed is the ppl here and their obsessions with their phone. When i boarded the bus one day, it was quite crowded, and when i looked around, i saw that more than 2 thirds of the people were engrossed in their phone.. and tabs mostly.. some were watching videos... some were texting.. and most of them were playing Candy Crush!.. This seems to be the obsession of the people here nowadays. One lady was soooo into her phone that she almost missed her bus stop and when the bus door was almost closing, she rushed to the exit and pressed the bell and the driver opened the door for her again..=D!!
And on the way back, in MRT (Train), in my compartment, almost all the seats were occupied and only I and another guy was not having a phone in our hands, the rest were all swiping away!...

************
It has been a long time since i felt lonely...  guess it has been inside me all along... waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out and gobble me whole... thriving by feeding on my memories of past bad experiences!
As i saw in some FB post, its possible for a person to be surrounded by a whole lot of people and yet feel lonely. At the same time, its possible for a lucky few to be all alone yet feel completely content with themselves.
Its possible for a person to have everything yet have nothing... and for some they have nothing but they seem to have everything..
During the train journey to the Airport in Cochin, there was a halt and the train was stopped for a some time in some place.. I saw 2 young kids.. maybe around 12-14. They were nomadic kids, dressed shabbily and with unclean appearance. The boy had got a Styrofoam board in his hand and he was spinning it horizontally with his finger without letting it fall onto the ground. He had the expression that he was doing something which no one in the world would be able to do it. He was happy... truly happy.. I could see that in his eyes and his smile.. And there was a girl beside him...could be his sister or his friend.. whatever it maybe.. She was standing there in awe of what the boy was doing.. she was simply enjoying it... not snatching it away from him.. not mocking him... simply enjoying the sight of it.... Simply hugging a post nearby, leaning on it and  letting life bring her where she was meant to go... And we call them underprivileged!

Too long of a post... =P... But feels good to finally be able to write something good that stays in my memory for sometimes...

fashion?

Dont know if i'm sneaking back into my old shell or am i.............................................
I'm starting to hate attending parties and functions..... Not that i like it much in the past but nowadays its just not bearable.. Girls are expected to be completely dolled up and wrapped in glittery sparkly attire... like a walking jewelry shop! Relatives of my age turning (extra) fashionable makes it even more unbearable for me.. Dont get me wrong.. i'm perfectly fine with them beautifying themselves... but that's going to create a comparison...  Its not my fault that i'm not comfortable with loud coloured ,sparkly attire..
Ppl seriously need an awareness programme on this issue... i've seen some going to a funeral house as if they were going for a wedding function... They are simply obsessed about dressing and the perception of others...