Bad times....

Having a terrible time now. I think my "Shani" is at the summit right now. Seriously!!.. i keep falling and hurting myself like some small child. On Sun i went to accompany Sha to find her interview place. And on the way to going to meet her, i fell down! I was going down from an over head bridge. And i just slipped on one of the steps. Luckily nothing serous happened. 1st-ly, the step was not too steep. So when i fell i was still on the second step. But the most impt thing is no one was near me. I dont think anyone saw me fall.. :P
And then now a days i keep making mistakes in my work. I dont know if i am not concentrating enough or what. Now a days i am not in this world. I am somewhere far far away...................
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Yest i forgot to charge my hp!!... Darn it! i wanted to bang my head on the wall. Seriously!! I was like... "Oh God!!... How stupid can i get!!
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went to work with puffy eyes in the morn......................... but later on puffiness was gone. Now and then,.... the face would turn red and lips would shiver, tears would roll down... but within minutes, everything will go back to normal. And then the whole cycle repeats itself.....
Weird me... really weird me..........................
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That's all....
Take Care and Good Luck...

Earth.. pls stop...

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I dont want the day to pass. I want the world to stop. I want the earth to stop spinning. Please??..... Oh God!
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They say bad times will pass ... but good times pass too soon.... I wish for those good times now. But its gone. Gone with the wind. What is left are memories. Just good memories. I can live with that. Dear Time, Pllsss travel back! Plss....
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Take Care and God Bless Everyone!

(28 Mar 09..Sat..1.48pm) .. too late...

I dunno what i'm feeling. Feels happy or a while and then the next moment feels like life has no meaning any more. I dont know what's happening to me. When is this terrible feeling going to end. Hopefully soon?... Soon.. but how soon is soon. For some people, soon will be like ..hmm.. lets see..
a few hours...
for others it would be a couple of days...
for another grp of ppl, it would be years...
So how soon is my soon?
I guess i would only know the answer for this the min b4 i die... yea?... hehe
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God is soo fair... yea really really fair. Y?.. 'cos He doesnt give us everything. He doesnt give us what we yearn for. He gives us something that we dont want but its much better than what we would like to have. So u see... its not like He wants us to be unhappy right?... Its not what we want but its so much better than that. So u see... we cant complain... Sooo clever isnt He?...

I guess life would be too boring if we get what we want all the time.
I guess in life, we have to have all kinds of experience. Yes even the not too nice ones. Like sadness, embarrassment, frustration, guilt etc etc. I guess all these would make me a better person in the future. (If i have a future that is... =) )
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Sometimes i just wish i wasn't born. Other times i thank God for letting me come to this world.
They say that everyone has a purpose for coming to this world. So what's my purpose? What do i have to do? How do i make this place a better place?
Ok let's face it ... i cant do anything.. i cant even get along with my own Mum properly. How am i going to help others?
There are soo many things that i want to do... But............. but............. *sigh*........
WHY GOD?? WHY?? WHY ME??...

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From the bottom of my heart... Take Care and Good Luck... and God Bless

24 Mar 09 (Tue) 11.44pm... crying spells...

The blogger default date and time is smt wrong & i dunno how to change it. So i might as well put in my own date and time from now on...
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Yest.. well i was ok... until i went to bed..
The feeling just grabbed my throat all of a sudden. The lump on my throat was too painful and the tears just streamed down. But within minutes i over powered it. Y?... 'cos i have to. 1stly, i cant be waking up with puffy eyes tmr.. i've got to go to work. 2ndly, its no one's fault. But mine. So why cry now?
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Went to work as usual but the darn feeling woudnt leave me alone! Got crying spells like more than 4-5 times. But with in 10-15 mins i would over power it. Its not nice to be crying at work place you know. They might think i'm too stressed with the work they are giving or what. And i dont want to be seen like an emo.
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Daddy bought a new Desktop monitor today. So using it now. The screen's really wide .. 19" . Looks nice...
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Got to go now...
Take Care everyone...

ages since blogged

Its been ages since i blogged. Bz bz... very bz! Actually no... Just too tired to come and on comp at night. 'cos cant stay up too late right? So its like.. by the time i on the comp and it loads all the stuff and all, it will be time to off the comp. So wont feel like turning on. Anyway, My last 2 weeks were... well... not too bad.
Well.. let me try to remember what i can rem about my last 2 weeks (let me test my memory.. my memory instructor is no more training me now... so my brain may have got rusty :P ).
Ok let me start from the week b4 last week. Sat was the performance rite?
So on Sun i woke up with a night mare. i cant remember much but i rem some parts here and there. My bro was lost and i got so worried and i went to look for him. The environment was so eerie and scary and at last i found him but then we 2 ended up in 1 narrow pathway and at the end of it i saw a room with a cloth curtain with the word "BLOOD 13" written on it in red! So darn scary i tell you!
Then on Monday morning, my mother scared the hell out of me! She came to my room early in the morn to call my bro(to go to sch). Well, u see she just woke up from slp right?... so obviously her hair was let down and she was standing near the window and it was really early morn and the light was just breaking open from the dark sky. So her face was like a silvery colour.
Ok imagine this.. u just open your eyes from slp and you see a silvery faced figure with hair let down at the window looking at you... How would you react?? Obviously i freaked out! I was like *GASP* and i grabbed my bro' s hand.. haha! (later on in the day he told me he got scared by me grabbing his hand.. haha).
But u know what??... my mother was laughing when i got scared!... haha!... ok even i was laughing about it later on.
I guess pretty much that's it (interesting stuff last 2 weeks). then work .. work ... and work.
Until last fri. And then sat went to dance as usual. Oh yea!... last sat(2 days ago), a lady came to our class and talked to my teacher and me. She was one of the organizers of the event 2 weeks ago. She told me.. "You did a gr8 job at the event. But the only thing was u did not smile well".. (i told her i was soo tensed up) And she said "if u had smiled, you would have carried the whole crowd away." She said the audiences were really wow-ed and was wondering "where is she from?" "Is she from north India or what"?... haha! She told me to work on my smile and get rid of my stage fear. Felt kinda happy. At last can see some improvement.
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I guess everything happens for good. Yea... Everything that happens happens for good. So lets all go with the flow... hmm?...
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Today i thank God:
- for giving me those nice complements from all
- for giving me a not too bad time at work.
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Take Care and Good Luck

Argh!.. Tmr work!

Its sunday already and got to go work tmr!!... (>.<)... Nooo! ok nvm... lets leave it 1st. Yesterday's performance was ok.. well... not too bad. I could feel some improvement from my last performance but then again, i've got so much to improve. I'm far from perfect. But got some nice complements too. Yesterday my teacher was my mother-for-the-day. =) . Y?.. 'cos my mummy dear didnt bother to come and watch my performance. 'cos according to her my dancing sux!...... oh well... So teacher did all the make up and hair and helped with the costume and all. And we had food together too. I dunno y.. somehow , i feel like she's more than a teacher to me.
I'm really going to miss my teacher.
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Checked my mail after soo long. I think more than 1 weeks.
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OMG!... i hate the thought of work tmr!... (>.<). I have to wait another 1 more week for the weekend! Gosh!
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Today i thank God:
- for helping me do a good performance yesterday
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That's all ... Take Care Everyone... =) && God Bless...

BZ BZ!

Very BZ... Working life is seriously no life! Even my fellow intern was saying the same thing. Cant check personal email also. It has been more than a week since i checked my mail! *sigh*
Today in the morn, i went for my practice. Couldnt practice the whole week with teacher. 'cos WORKING! Later, in abt 1/2 an hour i have to leave already.. for the performance.. Hope it goes well.
omg!... Mon work again!...

Today i spoke Tamil (officially) for the 1st time.. =) And the person was able to understand me! And didnt find it funny or laughed at me... like my friend did the other time. Hmm.. so next, i should try speaking Hindi to a Hindi speaking person. And next Chinese?... nono... actually Chinese i have spoken to a Chinese lady b4 and she understood me ok?! She was kinda surprised. =) . Maybe next i should learn Malay. Sadly i didnt really learn from my Malay friend. Hmm... i should have. And then Japanese?...

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Heart feels so heavy... after some "heavy rain", it feels better.... God... give me strength! && help me remember my steps during the performance.
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Today i thank God:
- for helping me remember my steps during the practice.
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Attachement: 1st Day!!! OMG!

OK the most important thing - MY FEET HURTS LIKE DUNNO WHAT!! Ouch!! Oh God!... i hate high heels!... ok let me start proper now..
Last week end was really bz.. had to create bank a/c and then shop shop and more shopping.. and then just nice: my teacher was not feeling well so i had to go and be there with the kids.
And.................. today was my 1st day of internship!... Yest night i was totally stressed out. And today morning too. I couldnt even drink my milo ... It just wouldnt go down my throat. Well, the 1st day was nt too bad. My partner (well not really), we jus ended up together in the same department seems ok. At 1st i tot he was not too friendly but he seems ok. Hope it will be like that for the rest of the 3 months... yea?... =) Let's hope so =)
1st day itself so many complicated things to do. But todays work, we managed to finish. My polymate helped too =). He's so fast and i'm sooo slow. I wonder y i always end up with such fast people or isit that i'm tooo slow... so much slower than other people. 'Cos my FYPJ partner was really really fast... in everything... omg... he walks soo fast that i have to run to keep up with him.. and this polymate too. He walks soo fast and i also have to walk really fast to keep up with him. I couldnt help but laugh to myself when i had to walk so fast to keep up. Am i really that slow or are all guys such fast walkers?
Anyway, after that went to AMK to buy formal clothes. And came home quite late. And then came to check email. Guess what?... since its a bank, they dont allow internet... as in they only allow local internet. So no checking of our personal mails or MSN or what ever... so sad.. cant chat with friends... even during break! =(
Nvm... 3 more months and then FINISH!!
Howpfully tomorrow will be a better day?... =)
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a not too bad day
- for giving me not too bad polymate
- for giving me a not ... errmm... too bad supervisor??... dont know her well yet.. she seems kind of stern... but she smiled... that's 'cos i smiled.... =)
- for helping me get clothes that i liked. =)... managed to find my size. Oh i realized from the big mirror in the office toilet that i've lost weight quite a lot... from the formal pant i wore.. hmm.. loosing weight again... omg!... (>.<)
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That's all everyone... Take Care =)