Ok!! I'm not forgotten!

Haha!!... feels so happy to know that i'm not forgotten!!...


My only best friends in the world still remembers me. Happy happy so happy!... Cant describe how sad i was that time when i didnt get any emails or any news from them for so long. But not anymore. My baby girl emailed me!... So happy happy happy!! Thanks my friend!


I am as happy as this!haha!!

Take Care Everyone and God Bless you all!!
*happy happy happy*

Forgotten!

Its sad to be forgotten..... Yes!... i'm forgotten!!.... Forgotten by my (only) 2 best friends in the world!!!..... Sad... really really really really really sad........................ Heart breaks.......... =(
..............
=(
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...................................................................... =( .............................

far away again??

Am i going to go far away again??................. i guess so................ *sigh*...............
for 2-3 years??.... =(... sad ... sad.... but have too... no choice... I realize smt... that my life is full of 'no-choices'.... all r planned by someone up there.... He just makes everything happen. It may not seem nice at 1st but it always ends well.
I guess everything happens for good... Yea??...

Bye and Take Care

hate crowded bus!!

Guess what???.... i hate travelling in crowded bus! i hate travelling in crowded bus! i hate travelling in crowded bus! i hate travelling in crowded bus! i hate travelling in crowded bus! ............................
*Sigh*
Just dont ask me why!!.... i am not going to tell you!!.... so dont bother asking.....!!!!!!!!!

^%$^$&**((*(^%^$^!!!

somewhere...

Yea... i am some where now... but not there yet... hmm...
Doing graphic design course... Its interesting... creative stuff.. which is what i like... at least its not as diffi as my previous course...
~~~
Its been a long time since i blogged. Not that i forgot the password or anything but didnt get the chance to do so. Havent been using laptop for quite sometime. I hate to blog in the desktop. Why?... 'cos i hate it when ppl breath down my neck when i'm blogging. Yea..
Hmm.. what else?....
Haven been feeling good for the past few days.... alas.. when have i felt good anyway... :P
~~~
At last my gooddy good friend replyed my email... Her comp spoilt it seems... (gal, if ur reading this.... dont worry ... i understand that ur comp is not ok...hehe... take ur time to reply my email okie?... ) My other good friend have not replied yet... she's bz it seems...
But at least my gooddy good friend's email cheered me up alittle from these moodiness.
~~~
I miss my dance... how i wish i could dance again... When i see ppl dancing i really really miss me dancing. Sigh...
~~~
I need my privacy back!!!!... Its so difficult to be alone here. How i wish i could lock myself up in a room and dont come out the whole day!!!...
Sigh... but i cant ... i cant even be in the room for 5 mins.. let alone the whole day!... Argh!!!....
I dont know what they r so afraid of... that i'll commit suicide inside?????.... If i had the courage to do so, i would have done that long time ago.!!!
~~~
Have to go now...
There were so many things i wanted to blog but guess what?????........ I forgot!!!!!!! Argh!!
~~~
Bye and Take Care!!

no where...

Yea.. i'm no where now.... and i dunno if i'll be getting anywhere any soon. Hmm... lets see..


The more you have, the less you'll want... The less you have, the more u'll want. True eh??....


Dunno what else to say....

???????

Woopss...

Okay!!... Its time to take back my words. I dont mind the people talking around me...(>.<) I dont mind the constant talking around me!!... Oh God!!.. I dont need silence around me!!... Well at least... not this way. My Mummy-dear and my granny-dear had a little quarrel. Well, nothing serious... u know, the usual mother-daughter quarrels that happens in every house once in while. Now they are in cold war. hehe.. Not talking to each other much.. Just the "hmm", "yea","ok" thing.
Now i know how my father would have felt when me and my mummy has quarrel. Yikes!!... (>.<)
U know i realize something. Granny was saying whatever my Mummy tells me when we quarrel. And my mother was replying what i would reply to my mummy when we quarrel. Its like i was seeing me and my mother in the case of my granny and my mother. Haha!.. Funny eh??... I tried my best to get them to come to terms but to no avail. Now i know where my adamant nature came from. Hehehe!... (:P)
Since today they both seems to have cooled down a little. Hopefully everthing will be as good as previuos times soon... yea?...

I just realized another thing, duing they day i would have so much thoughts in my mind which would be perfect for blogging. But the minute i sign in into my blog, i would forget everything!!... Argh!..

Anywayzzz....... i got to go now!!... See ya and Take Care!!...

Bus ride??.. no roller coaster ride!!

Yea... Here the bus ride is like a roller coaster ride. Yest like i said in the previous post, we went for a marriage function right? So we had to take bus. And the ride was more like a roller coaster ride!.. Haha!!... It was so darn fast and bumpy!... Everyone was like swinging and swaying and all. And on top of it, it was really crowded!... And i was like sandwiched!! Oh God, it was a Ride! It was so bad that i felt like throwing up... Seriously!!
But guess what... i still love my K... =) . My beautiful K is imperfectly perfect for me.

There was this American couple who came for my relatives wedding yesterday and they seemed to enjoy the occasion and all(they were the groom's friend at his work place). It seems they were saying that 'even small babies here wear so much of gold'. Yes its true. Its a tradition here to wear lots of gold. And guess what??... i dont like wearing too much gold!! And people are forever scolding for not wearing any gold. Haha!...

Yest my distant cousin(i mentioned in my previous post... ok lets just call her Ren) was saying, "how i wish K was like America". She was referring to the way they dress and their attitude towards society and their relationship with the people around them and all.
And i was like... "What????" I was thinking to myself, "Like America??? Oh God!, anywhere but my beautiful K!!!!!" Ren is a very modern kind of person her dressing and all is like... like ... like... well not too obscene but... very modern... u know... Actually its not only her but lots of girls here has a very different attitude now. What i used to love about my K was its simplicity and humbleness and all... but now................ well... i dunno... i guess its changing. Sigh...

I hope my beautiful K doesnt change too much.....

Got to go now... Take Care everyone....

A New Life...

Yes... its a brand new life for me...................... Well....... not really.. its about the same... the same old boring me... yea... The BORING me..

It's been like more than 1 month (almost 2 months) since i left Sg and came to K. But i have not got into any school/institutions yet. Awaiting my certs from Sg. But the classes here has started today (if i'm not wrong). So i dunno how.... sigh...

But since yesterday, i am in no hurry to go to school/campus here. My distant cousin told me some amazing stories of what happens in colleges here... Ragging and class clashes and things like that.. So right now i am in no hurry to go to school and i dont think i look forward for my 1st day in any institutions here. hmm................... lets see how...

Okok... Let me talk about my life here. Well.. nothing much.
Wake up in the morning. Help a little with the house work. Play with the cats(kittens) and dog here. If not play with my baby cousin. If we go out (probably my cousin's house), play with the baby there.
Basically that's all. Boring right??... As in, nothing interesting right?
Well there is one thing i really miss. My personal time!... i really really really miss being alone!!... I want to be alone for some time!!... here i cant be alone... Forever people are talking and asking stuff around me and to me and all... I really need some time alone to just close my eyes and collect my thoughts and some 'shanti' but i cant have it here. U see i am a kind of person who needs some time alone to listen to myself and collect my thoughts. Ever since i left sg, i had no personal time.. Seriously!!.... And it makes me very frustrated!!... really frustrated!!!! Argh!!!!
Sigh!!... nevermind.... forget it!...

Today went for a marriage function... Yest also went. It was ok.. But since i had to travel too far. I was having headache and nausea and all. #@$!%!!!!! Couldnt enjoy as much!...

Sigh.. nevermind.

Have to go now. Take Care everyone.

My Last Day in Sg

I cant believe that i'm leaving!.... yes leaving!!... (>.<) Argh!!
Last week was really really bz... bz bz bee... =)

Last Friday(22 May), was my last day at work. They gave us some nice food and had a small meeting and all. They thanked us and we thanked them and things like that..

Sat(23 May), my teacher and the students gave me a farewell party at the temple. It was really nice... So many kids gave me cards and presents and all... They said they would really miss... yes. i'll miss them too. My teacher said that she'll miss me also. And yes i will really really miss her too. =(
I gave the kids small goodie bags with some sweets and all. Ahh... so sad to leave them.. =(

On tuesday, went to school for some official stuff. And then after that, met with my dance class mates.. K and N .
They gave me a treat at KFC!... hehe.. and they also gave me a key chain with my name. Its nice!... really nice!... I didnt know i made such impact to them that they treat me so well... =).. hehe..

Wed was the Graduation Day!! Yay!... haha!... went and took some pics and all...
After that met with my sec school friends. V and A. After soo long we met. The reason was of course as i'm leaving. Went to have dinner at LongJohn Silvers. And the cashier(staff) and V were very funny... haha!!
On thurs... well yesterday... went to temple to collect my certs(for dance) and post some book for my uncle... was really bz la~
Yest called up G and Sham... my sec and primary school friends... both were like shocked that i'm leaving and was complaining that i didnt tell them earlier. I did msg them earlier but 1 couldnt get thru the phone and the other one i sent to wrong number... :P... hehe...

no time no time.... >.<

I've heard somewhere that "life is like a toilet paper roll. As it gets nearer to the end, the faster it goes". And its sooo true i tell you!
All these while the leaving day was so far away for me. But now its at my doorstep already. *panic*
Tomorrow (22 May 09) is my last day in my comp! Can you believe that??... 3 months went past just like that... yea... just like a snap of the finger. And within 5 days or 6, i will be saying Goodbye to this country and my friends here. =(

Last Sat, went out with my Sha =) . She gave me a chipmunk!!... Sooo cute i tell you!!... It was really nice of her =)
Oh yea.. the reason we were able to meet on sat was 'cos i went to school to get my graduation attire. Weee... =) . But who knows if i can get to go and take pics with them. Hmm... i maybe leaving on that day itself u see...
Anyway, so after getting the attire Sha and i went to Raff place. Just walk walk... =). Sat down for some time and came back home. Couldnt stay too long as i had dance rem??... =)
Oh yea. and last sat, my teacher told the kids that i'm leaving forever. So everyone was like y???... pls consider staying! ....this and that.... =) Feels happy @ the same time sad to leave them.
U know at the end of the lesson one of the little girl came and asked me, "Sis, r you really going off?" i said, "yes dear" and she said, "oh..... i'm very sad...."
Yes i know... aww....
i really felt like pinching her cheeks. Sigh...
Anyway, so on sun, we 3, Sha me and F planned to meet but only F and i met. Y? 'cos S got sick all of a sudden. Yea and a scary one. Her temp was 38.7 or so (and the next day it was 39. something!! almost 40 degree Celsius!!). Scary isnt it?? Well she is getting better now.
So F and i went to shop shop for a while. Oh yea. and i bought a lot of sweets fro my kids.. yea my kids!... haha.. This sat they are planning a farewell party for me.. so i have to buy something for them also right?...
My sweet kids! =) Bought a handbag for my mummy too. Fortunately, she likes it. thank God! Normally whatever i buy or choose, she finds it stupid. Yea really. We have such different tastes. Hmm... but not in this case i guess.
Oh no!!.. Got to go now! It s like 12.38am! and tmr's my last day!! and dont want to be late on my last day also!!...
Oh yea... our lecturer came to meet our Officer in Charge today. Well, it was ok. Some little not too nice stuff but overall, i guess they are happy about our performance there.

I was trying to finish up the Report but i ended up doing quizes in Facebook!
OKok... better go ff now... Shall continue the report in office tmr!!... Argh!!

Byee... Take Care eveyone....

Met my teacher!

Has been ages since i blogged.. well not really... just 1 week+ =).
Last sat, i told my d teacher that i'm leaving in 2 weeks time and her eyes filled up with tears. =( ... She gave me some advices. And she told me dont ever stop learning as not everyone has a talent and since you have it dont even think of stopping. I felt so sad...
well.. nothing much to hilight in my life.. as usual work and back home.. really bored at home... y??... 'cos my nosy bro is not here... so very boring...
Oh!... yesterday i saw my hindi teacher. She taught me when i was in sec4. I had been wishing to see her for a long time. She was the reason i got at least a B3 for my hindi in 'O' Levels. She was a nice teacher. I remember there was once she was explaining a cloze passage and after that she asked the class, 'understand'? and i shook my head - no. Then she personally came to me and explained the whole passage to me! Can you believe that?... i was really moved by that. I guess that somehow motivated me to study or even like Hindi better =). I hated going to Hindi school b4 that. (>.<) .
I met her in the MRT. It was really unexpected. I guess this shows that if you really wish for smt, God will grant you somehow... yea?... well most of the things...........................................
I hope somehow, i'll meet my primary school teacher i have been wishing to see for a long long time.... the teacher who has a special place in my heart. =)
Now a days, i'm trying to get in contact with my long lost friends ... since i'm leaving. I have to let them know na?... out of courtesy. I have contacted 2 of them One wants to meet... the other one just wished me luck =). He was a very helpful person. =)
Lost more to get in contact with. No time!... I cant be sms-ing in office rite?... i dont want to get a bad grade!... i really need this good grade to pull up my marks/grades...
By the time i reach home ... bathe... eat .... its time to slp.... Sigh!
And guess what??... i have to go now!.. (>.<)
Bye everyone... take care...

Happyly sad...=|

Updates:

Mon-went to work

Tue-went to work

Wed-went to work

Thur-went to work

Fri!

My Bro left. 1 month later me leaving too... actually 3 weeks later...

It was kinda emotional... All his friends came to send him off at the airport.

Now me and my Mum alone... for 2 more weeks.

On sat smt nice happened.

My teacher let me use the stick for the dance. She doesnt let anyone else touch it u know. But she let me use it. She asked me to help her with the beat when she was saying the count. =). I felt so happy! It was really significant for me =)

To think that i'm going to leave her... =(

~~~

Anyway, Talked to S anf F after quite some time recently,

Talked to S in msn on thur. She was so happy to see me in msn it seems.

She gave me some advices =). Hope it works =) Talked to F also in sms... we are planning an outing next week end. Hopefully i wont become bz again like last few weekends. Hmm... Really hope to spend some time with them b4 i leave.

I hope to see my primary school teacher too one day. But when??... i'm only free on weekends and the school will not be open on weekends! (>.<) How??... Sigh... i really wish to see her ... She has special place in my heart...

......................................................................................................

.........................................................................................................

.....................

I dont know what else to say...

Take care...

bz weekends too?!

It has been ages since i blogged. Bz bz.. really bz. Its has been more than 2 weeks or isit exactly 2 weeks since i last blogged..
Updates??...hmm lets see... OH yes! I have to write this ... not just for everyone to know but for me to remember.. hehe! 'cos it would be nice to read all this again after a long time eh?
on 13 April 09, i had a terrible day. Well, not too bad but it was like this.
I left for work in the morning, took bus to the mrt station and went over to the Card-Top-Up machine to top up my card. Guess what??... i didnt bring my wallet. yay =.= . i thought, "it's ok.. i can top up tomorrow" and i proceeded to the ticket couter or what ever its called.. and tapped my card. Darn it! the door or dont know what thig, didnt open 'cos there was only $2+ in my card. Then?? What to do?.. Called Mummy and asked her to bring my wallet downstairs while i took taxi there and took the same taxi back to work place. My $20+ flew away just like that!! (>.<)
You see i am a kind of person who saves as much $$ as possible. And when things like this happens, my heart brks. =( But its ok. Yea?... =)
Then the week went by as per normal. Lots of work. Not much time.
And then last week sunday was the Vishu prog. The dance went ok. Not too bad. Even though i made some little mistakes here and there. The whole event went well also. There was this item by a lady and her brother. It was really nice. She was so elegant. I wish to learn that form of dance. Its really nice.
But before that i have to finish what i'm learning now eh?.. =)
And then another week of work went by. Last week one day i was on MC. Thursday, to be exact. My $30 gone!... haha... oh well... But u see even on the day i was on mc, i was thinking of work i guess. I think my mind has become tuned to working life. 'cos i was sleeping in the afternoon after taking medication. And i was dreaming that i was replying enquiries in the email and doing the report and all. Haha!... i was feeling so frustrated and angry that i'm not able to finish my work on time and all in the dream. Haha! =)
So end of the week and start of the week end yesterday.
Went for dance practice as usual yesterday. It was ok. There was a last min stuff. Had to do an item urgently today for some recording or something. So this afternoon went for that.
I did together with my classmate. We were so tensed up. We couldnt smile at all. All the people around was like... "smile girls smile!"... I managed to smile a little. I wonder how it will turn out.. haha!...
That's all for the updates.

~~~
Have to go now....
Take Care Everyone...

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Everyone! =)

May God bring peace to this world.

~~~

Got a long weekend. Feels like heaven seriously... I was longing for a long holiday.

After a long time, i started drawing on 10 April 09 to be exact. Well it started out as doodling on the news paper.

I saw a pen lying near the news paper and i just started recolouring the model's lipstick and gave her some accessories and recoloured her hair. And then i stared drawing stuff. Then i got so engrossed in it that i went to get a book and started drawing.

Feels happy to draw after a long time. I realize something... that when i'm really sad or depressed or feeling very moody, when i draw something that i like, it really helps me to lighten the mood. I feel light ... a little happy... singing helps too i realize. When i feel down all of a sudden i just lock myself in the room and starts singing to myself... i feel better after sometime.

Weird me eh?... =)

~~~

Lots of turmoils in my life. More turmoils coming soon..

Gg to drift apart(physically) from S and F soon. But emotionally we'll always be together ya? no matter how far away we are... =)

~~~

I wonder if i'll ever get a gr8-er friend than them... no.. i dont think its possible.

I guess its my fate that i cant be with ppl that i like.

~~~

Thank you God for everything. The good things and the bad things too... 'cos these bad things makes me a better person and You know that better than i do.

~~~

Happy Easter once Again everyone.. =)

7 April 09

7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09
~~~
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...

Was darn bz at work!... So many things to do!!.... and to add on to it, my friend (poly-mate) didnt come today!... He was on MC and i had to do his work too!!... so the whole morning, i was doing his work and after lunch, i started doing my own work. But ppl keep asking me to do other things and i cant finish my own work that i'm supposed to finish! Its like ... everyone keep giving me small but tedious kind of work to do. "S*****a, pls find this person's application form and fax it over pls"... "S*****a, pls add in the details of these people. Thx" ... "S*****a, pls update the list" ... "S*****a, pls go over to the other building to get something from them. Thx"... S*****a this S*****a that.......................... aggh!!
~~~
So many people keep approaching for donations and to sign up for certain plan and stuff like that. And after they explain the whole thing to me and i say i dont have Debit card or credit card 'cos i'm still a student, they'll be like.. "ouh!"... haha!...
~~~
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...
7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09 7 April 09

Nice design eh??... =D

long lost friend

Today i woke up with a very unique dream. I saw my long lost friend. Today's dream was quite vivid and long. But i cant remember much of it. Just this:
I went out of my house(in Singapore) to buy something which my mother asked me to. But outside was in my hometown(not S'pore) get it?...
So i was walking along the road and there were alot of muslim girls wearing scarf in different styles and i was looking at them and thinking...They look so pretty in scarf and all. Some were wearing like normal as in just throw the scarf around their head others were wearing properly with ears covered and all. And i was thinking to my self "Wow... they must be really religious girls" and "they look so pretty in the proper scarf" .
As i looked suddenly i saw this girl walking towards me and i looked at hear face. She looked really familiar... she saw me looking at her and she looked at me too.. and suddenly i recognised her and we smiled at each other and i said... "Eh!... Hafsath?" and she said "Hey... "S*****a??" OMG I was really so happy!!... and then i wanted to ask her alot of things but suddenly this car came between us and she said something to the person inside (or was she showing the correct direction to the driver?.. i dunno.. cant remember). And she walked to her house gate. I was like. 'eh ... wait... do you have hp?.. can i have you number .. so that we can keep in contact?" She said ok..come to my house.. so i followed her to the house and she went in the house i waited outside in the balcony" And then... ok this is really weird.... her mother came out and gave me some coins!... and i happily took that and left and went back to my house. Haha!!... i mean it makes no sense!!
But it was really nice to see Hafsath again...
We used to be quite good friends... and then somehow we drifted apart after we moved to different class. In the morning i missed her really bad.
She was a sweet, pretty, shy girl. But she had her bad side too of course... Just like everyone she would talk bad about ppl that she didnt like... Everyone does that right?... But still i liked her... She was really nice. I wish i could see her again.
Maybe even if we pass by each other now, we may not recognise each other. So sad... I really wish i can see her.

unruly but adorable kids

There are somethings that you find so difficult but u enjoy it and there are things that are easy but u just dread doing it. =)
~~~
Those kids are just so hyper active. I had to almost scream to make them listen to me. But if u see it in another way, its actually a good thing. 'Cos you see... its because they are so enthusiastic about learning dance that they are so happy and hyper active. Imagine if i had a class with all dull and not-interested-to-dance kids. omg... i think i wouldn't like the class at all!
So i love those kids even though they can be soo unruly sometimes. =)
~~~
Am i the only one in this world who cannot get along with ................................................. *sigh* Is it really my fault?... OK let me rephrase that... Is it really all my fault? Am i the only person who make mistakes?? *sigh* Is it going to be like that forever??

~~~
Take Care Everyone

rubbish

Weeee... look at me... i'm a rubbish bin... weeheehee... =.= ................
*sigh*
God take me away... take me to you... plss.... plssss.....
~~~~
Everyday, i wake up with a song being played in my head. Yesterday's song was from a movie.
Today's song was the ISS elimination round song. =)!...
~~~
Tired... very tired... feel like life seriously sux!
Oh this reminds me.
I saw this prog in TV 2 days ago. This religious person (i think he's a priest cum motivator cum preacher) was giving a talk and these words he said just struck my mind really hard.
He said, "When you cant reach up to standards set by people, that's when depression sets in. When you are not able to reach up to the expectations of others, you start hating yourself and u start hating the ppl who set those expectations." How True! How very true.....
I wish i could see that series everyday. But i cant. Its telecasted every morning. I was late to leave house that day That's why i could see.
~~~
I'm hungry but i dont feel like eating........ Well, it has been like that for a long long time... i will be hungy i wont feel like putting the food into the mouth. Sometimes i'll even feel like vomiting with the food in the mouth. But my stomach will be growling... Seriously i should just............................. *sigh*................... nevermind.......................
~~~

some words..........

~~~

I feel............ i feel................ empty.................... i couldn't feel me walking in my way back from work. I was floating back you can say.... I wasn't bothered about what was happening around me. I didn't know what was happening. I was just floating away... just floating away..........

~~~

Have you ever seen a lost balloon?.... no... you wont see it again............ never................

Bad times....

Having a terrible time now. I think my "Shani" is at the summit right now. Seriously!!.. i keep falling and hurting myself like some small child. On Sun i went to accompany Sha to find her interview place. And on the way to going to meet her, i fell down! I was going down from an over head bridge. And i just slipped on one of the steps. Luckily nothing serous happened. 1st-ly, the step was not too steep. So when i fell i was still on the second step. But the most impt thing is no one was near me. I dont think anyone saw me fall.. :P
And then now a days i keep making mistakes in my work. I dont know if i am not concentrating enough or what. Now a days i am not in this world. I am somewhere far far away...................
~~~
Yest i forgot to charge my hp!!... Darn it! i wanted to bang my head on the wall. Seriously!! I was like... "Oh God!!... How stupid can i get!!
~~~
went to work with puffy eyes in the morn......................... but later on puffiness was gone. Now and then,.... the face would turn red and lips would shiver, tears would roll down... but within minutes, everything will go back to normal. And then the whole cycle repeats itself.....
Weird me... really weird me..........................
~~~
That's all....
Take Care and Good Luck...

Earth.. pls stop...

..........................................
I dont want the day to pass. I want the world to stop. I want the earth to stop spinning. Please??..... Oh God!
..........................................
They say bad times will pass ... but good times pass too soon.... I wish for those good times now. But its gone. Gone with the wind. What is left are memories. Just good memories. I can live with that. Dear Time, Pllsss travel back! Plss....
~~~
Take Care and God Bless Everyone!

(28 Mar 09..Sat..1.48pm) .. too late...

I dunno what i'm feeling. Feels happy or a while and then the next moment feels like life has no meaning any more. I dont know what's happening to me. When is this terrible feeling going to end. Hopefully soon?... Soon.. but how soon is soon. For some people, soon will be like ..hmm.. lets see..
a few hours...
for others it would be a couple of days...
for another grp of ppl, it would be years...
So how soon is my soon?
I guess i would only know the answer for this the min b4 i die... yea?... hehe
~~~
God is soo fair... yea really really fair. Y?.. 'cos He doesnt give us everything. He doesnt give us what we yearn for. He gives us something that we dont want but its much better than what we would like to have. So u see... its not like He wants us to be unhappy right?... Its not what we want but its so much better than that. So u see... we cant complain... Sooo clever isnt He?...

I guess life would be too boring if we get what we want all the time.
I guess in life, we have to have all kinds of experience. Yes even the not too nice ones. Like sadness, embarrassment, frustration, guilt etc etc. I guess all these would make me a better person in the future. (If i have a future that is... =) )
~~~
Sometimes i just wish i wasn't born. Other times i thank God for letting me come to this world.
They say that everyone has a purpose for coming to this world. So what's my purpose? What do i have to do? How do i make this place a better place?
Ok let's face it ... i cant do anything.. i cant even get along with my own Mum properly. How am i going to help others?
There are soo many things that i want to do... But............. but............. *sigh*........
WHY GOD?? WHY?? WHY ME??...

~~~

From the bottom of my heart... Take Care and Good Luck... and God Bless

24 Mar 09 (Tue) 11.44pm... crying spells...

The blogger default date and time is smt wrong & i dunno how to change it. So i might as well put in my own date and time from now on...
~~~
Yest.. well i was ok... until i went to bed..
The feeling just grabbed my throat all of a sudden. The lump on my throat was too painful and the tears just streamed down. But within minutes i over powered it. Y?... 'cos i have to. 1stly, i cant be waking up with puffy eyes tmr.. i've got to go to work. 2ndly, its no one's fault. But mine. So why cry now?
~~~
Went to work as usual but the darn feeling woudnt leave me alone! Got crying spells like more than 4-5 times. But with in 10-15 mins i would over power it. Its not nice to be crying at work place you know. They might think i'm too stressed with the work they are giving or what. And i dont want to be seen like an emo.
~~~

Daddy bought a new Desktop monitor today. So using it now. The screen's really wide .. 19" . Looks nice...
~~~
Got to go now...
Take Care everyone...

ages since blogged

Its been ages since i blogged. Bz bz... very bz! Actually no... Just too tired to come and on comp at night. 'cos cant stay up too late right? So its like.. by the time i on the comp and it loads all the stuff and all, it will be time to off the comp. So wont feel like turning on. Anyway, My last 2 weeks were... well... not too bad.
Well.. let me try to remember what i can rem about my last 2 weeks (let me test my memory.. my memory instructor is no more training me now... so my brain may have got rusty :P ).
Ok let me start from the week b4 last week. Sat was the performance rite?
So on Sun i woke up with a night mare. i cant remember much but i rem some parts here and there. My bro was lost and i got so worried and i went to look for him. The environment was so eerie and scary and at last i found him but then we 2 ended up in 1 narrow pathway and at the end of it i saw a room with a cloth curtain with the word "BLOOD 13" written on it in red! So darn scary i tell you!
Then on Monday morning, my mother scared the hell out of me! She came to my room early in the morn to call my bro(to go to sch). Well, u see she just woke up from slp right?... so obviously her hair was let down and she was standing near the window and it was really early morn and the light was just breaking open from the dark sky. So her face was like a silvery colour.
Ok imagine this.. u just open your eyes from slp and you see a silvery faced figure with hair let down at the window looking at you... How would you react?? Obviously i freaked out! I was like *GASP* and i grabbed my bro' s hand.. haha! (later on in the day he told me he got scared by me grabbing his hand.. haha).
But u know what??... my mother was laughing when i got scared!... haha!... ok even i was laughing about it later on.
I guess pretty much that's it (interesting stuff last 2 weeks). then work .. work ... and work.
Until last fri. And then sat went to dance as usual. Oh yea!... last sat(2 days ago), a lady came to our class and talked to my teacher and me. She was one of the organizers of the event 2 weeks ago. She told me.. "You did a gr8 job at the event. But the only thing was u did not smile well".. (i told her i was soo tensed up) And she said "if u had smiled, you would have carried the whole crowd away." She said the audiences were really wow-ed and was wondering "where is she from?" "Is she from north India or what"?... haha! She told me to work on my smile and get rid of my stage fear. Felt kinda happy. At last can see some improvement.
~~~

I guess everything happens for good. Yea... Everything that happens happens for good. So lets all go with the flow... hmm?...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me those nice complements from all
- for giving me a not too bad time at work.
~~~
Take Care and Good Luck

Argh!.. Tmr work!

Its sunday already and got to go work tmr!!... (>.<)... Nooo! ok nvm... lets leave it 1st. Yesterday's performance was ok.. well... not too bad. I could feel some improvement from my last performance but then again, i've got so much to improve. I'm far from perfect. But got some nice complements too. Yesterday my teacher was my mother-for-the-day. =) . Y?.. 'cos my mummy dear didnt bother to come and watch my performance. 'cos according to her my dancing sux!...... oh well... So teacher did all the make up and hair and helped with the costume and all. And we had food together too. I dunno y.. somehow , i feel like she's more than a teacher to me.
I'm really going to miss my teacher.
~~~
Checked my mail after soo long. I think more than 1 weeks.
~~~
OMG!... i hate the thought of work tmr!... (>.<). I have to wait another 1 more week for the weekend! Gosh!
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me do a good performance yesterday
~~~
That's all ... Take Care Everyone... =) && God Bless...

BZ BZ!

Very BZ... Working life is seriously no life! Even my fellow intern was saying the same thing. Cant check personal email also. It has been more than a week since i checked my mail! *sigh*
Today in the morn, i went for my practice. Couldnt practice the whole week with teacher. 'cos WORKING! Later, in abt 1/2 an hour i have to leave already.. for the performance.. Hope it goes well.
omg!... Mon work again!...

Today i spoke Tamil (officially) for the 1st time.. =) And the person was able to understand me! And didnt find it funny or laughed at me... like my friend did the other time. Hmm.. so next, i should try speaking Hindi to a Hindi speaking person. And next Chinese?... nono... actually Chinese i have spoken to a Chinese lady b4 and she understood me ok?! She was kinda surprised. =) . Maybe next i should learn Malay. Sadly i didnt really learn from my Malay friend. Hmm... i should have. And then Japanese?...

~~~
Heart feels so heavy... after some "heavy rain", it feels better.... God... give me strength! && help me remember my steps during the performance.
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me remember my steps during the practice.
~~~

Attachement: 1st Day!!! OMG!

OK the most important thing - MY FEET HURTS LIKE DUNNO WHAT!! Ouch!! Oh God!... i hate high heels!... ok let me start proper now..
Last week end was really bz.. had to create bank a/c and then shop shop and more shopping.. and then just nice: my teacher was not feeling well so i had to go and be there with the kids.
And.................. today was my 1st day of internship!... Yest night i was totally stressed out. And today morning too. I couldnt even drink my milo ... It just wouldnt go down my throat. Well, the 1st day was nt too bad. My partner (well not really), we jus ended up together in the same department seems ok. At 1st i tot he was not too friendly but he seems ok. Hope it will be like that for the rest of the 3 months... yea?... =) Let's hope so =)
1st day itself so many complicated things to do. But todays work, we managed to finish. My polymate helped too =). He's so fast and i'm sooo slow. I wonder y i always end up with such fast people or isit that i'm tooo slow... so much slower than other people. 'Cos my FYPJ partner was really really fast... in everything... omg... he walks soo fast that i have to run to keep up with him.. and this polymate too. He walks soo fast and i also have to walk really fast to keep up with him. I couldnt help but laugh to myself when i had to walk so fast to keep up. Am i really that slow or are all guys such fast walkers?
Anyway, after that went to AMK to buy formal clothes. And came home quite late. And then came to check email. Guess what?... since its a bank, they dont allow internet... as in they only allow local internet. So no checking of our personal mails or MSN or what ever... so sad.. cant chat with friends... even during break! =(
Nvm... 3 more months and then FINISH!!
Howpfully tomorrow will be a better day?... =)
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a not too bad day
- for giving me not too bad polymate
- for giving me a not ... errmm... too bad supervisor??... dont know her well yet.. she seems kind of stern... but she smiled... that's 'cos i smiled.... =)
- for helping me get clothes that i liked. =)... managed to find my size. Oh i realized from the big mirror in the office toilet that i've lost weight quite a lot... from the formal pant i wore.. hmm.. loosing weight again... omg!... (>.<)
~~~
That's all everyone... Take Care =)

Beach Trip/ Attachment!!

Didnt update for a few days.. (was lazy to on comp actually :P) And i didnt want to use the other comp.. y??... 'cos i ONLY LOVE my laptop! my one and only lappy!! ......... ok nevermind.
Wed(25 Feb 09) Went to West Coast. At Last! For our beach trip. But u know what??... It was not like how i expected it to be. There was not much sand. Just a small pit of sand. U know just for the name sake.. that there is sand!.. Haha!.. So funny... We (stupidly) went there so early like 12pm+.. And it was soooo hot!.. Sun was blazing away above us. And guess what just as we sat down to eat, it started drizling!!... Yea Really!... It was raining and sunny at the same time! haha!... We had to run for shelter. But luckily there was not much people around. Infact the place was really really empty. Except for a few grass cutting men and a handful of people. I think when we arrived there, in the whole beach, there was only about 10 ppl. including 3 of us!
After that walked around for sometime and then we went to the bridge and sat there. S and F were so cute!... The lied down on the mat.. Haha... They both are so cute sometimes. After that walked around for sometime again and went to Mac for a small bite.. (me and F had ice cream! Our fav Ice cream Cone! And it tasted soo nice.. So much better than our campus Mac Ice cream) =) And then waited there for the sunset. =) Around 6+ went back to the bridge and laid the mat and sat there waiting for the sunset! =) This time, the place was so much cooler(haha).

And then....................................It was nice!....very nice......At last!.................................... =)


Sunset!!

Oh i almost forgot. We saw Rainbow! Double rainbow in fact! S and F were like clicking away with their cams. =)

On the whole, it was a very very nice day! After soo long!
Planning another trip to East Coast. But not sure when... But not too soon.
~~~
I got attached!!... to a Bank!! OMG!. Soo worried! for 3 months!!... *sigh* Hopefully everything goes well... right?... right??... Pray for me everyone!

~~~
i thank God:
- for giving me a gr8 time at the beach with F and S.
- for getting me into this Job. =)... (Its a good thing rite?... oh God! (>.<))
~~~
That's all ... Take Care everyone!

in sch...4 the last time?...

Went to campus (for the last time as a student?). Met with S. Took some pics.. of us and also the school.. U know.. for memory =) . Wanted to order a CD but the place was closed by the time we went to order. Had my favourite Chicken Wrap (for the last time as a student?) && S had her favourite Cheese Cake.
After that, went to Ang Mo Kio - AMK Hub. Walked around amk for a while and then came home. Its nice going shopping with S 'cos she helps to save $$ =).
~~~
*Sigh*... i dont know what to do...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a nice time with S
- for giving me a nice time during the journey to and from school
- for giving me a nice day basically

Tired!...

Oh God!.. i'm so tired!... i think my knees are going to give way soon.. (>.<) ... And my throat feels dry after talking soo much and So loudly to the kids!... Sometimes those kids can be so unruly!.. (>.<)... But still they are such angels... hehe...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a nice time at the lesson =)
- for helping me do not too badly at the ***** lesson too... =)

@ Orchard!

Went to Orchard Road today... Met up with S and F After sooooooo long... haha... S and i walked and walked.... and walked .... and... guess?... Yea! Walked even more.. haha... all around Orchard Road. Now leg hurts like dunno what!... Then met with F for some time... It was nice to be with them after a long time. Even though it was only for a short time. but still... nice.. =)
Planning a beach trip soon.. next week probably.. Cant wait.. =)...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a nice time with F and S.... =)

All i know...

Ok Let me borrow my friend's word... "Sux"... Everything just sux!! ... That's all i know.... Well.. yea... literally... 'cos i dont know anything right??... i am a dumb rite??... a retarded being... who is good for nothing!!
ARGH!
Terrible day!!... Why?... 'cos... 'cos........ i dont know... its just terrible...
I feel sad for no reason... i feel like crying for no reason... I get crying spells... u know like dizzy spells... *Sigh*... What is happening to me!?!?!.. I feel like my life has no meaning.... Why am i living??...
God help me!!...
*sigh*

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines' Day Everyone... =)

<3

Friday the 13th...

Happy Friday the 13th!
They say its supposed to be a very unlucky day... u know... when Friday, a not nice day and 13, a not nice number comes together, it marks a very not-lucky day.
But nothing unlucky has happened to me until now... But then again when has any day been lucky??... haha!... Nono... actually i have been lucky quite a number of times... hmm.. which comes back to Me!... A Luckily Unlucky Star!.... Haha!!
~~~
Years of hurt turns to Sadness..........
Sadness over time turns to Anger..........
Anger over time (with constant hurt and sadness) turns to Hatred...........
And it becomes irreversible....... forever.... i guess...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for not letting me have any exceptional bad luck (until now...errr) on Fri the 13th. =)
~~~
Take Care Everyone.... =)

silence...

It has been more than 3 days since i talked more than 4 sentences a day.. It has been days since i talked any of my family members properly.. Not that i talk too much to everyone... but lately........ *Sigh*
I DREAD staying at home.. and i dread even more going out! Then where do i go?... i know... heaven.. the only place i can go is heaven... that is if i can get into Heaven is the 1st place.. haha.. 'cos i'm evil.. pure evil... who is self-centered and desire harm to everyone around me.. *Evil laugh*... ok nevermind..
This reminds me...
"Has any C****** ever stayed up after 9 pm to help you?.. Dont be so dumb!"
I dont help people expecting anything in return... i just help people who are nice to me and has helped me in the past. =) ... If that is being dumb... then yes... i am dumb.. =)
~~~
Y do people help others and be nice to others with a motive behind? (i have seen people like that in school)... I hate people like that... They help people expecting things in return... That is not help... that is more like a business deal or a negotiation. Friends do not make deals.. Friends helps each other as if they are doing it for themselves. That is friendship. True friendship.
And just because friends grow apart doesnt mean they were never friends... i have seen good freinds and when they drift apart they act like enemies... Its like they have never known each other at all.. How terrible!
~~~
Racism and religion-ism starts at home.. U may not realize it. Cant blame them actually... 'cos they had to suffer it the hard way.. But we cant see people through out stereotyped eyes... Not everyone is like how we think.
So.................. so what??.. i have to go now.. Haha!
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a quiet day.... yea that's better.. =)
~~~
Take Care everyone..

still searching / weird

Still searching for the courage... i'll get it... one day... one fine day...
~~~
Some people claim that i've got weird friends... But they're not weird, they are just like you and me. Just normal beings who wants to be treated just like everyone else. U see, i'm a person who looks inside the mind of a person not how a person is outside. It doesnt matter how the person looks on the outside, be it tall, short, dark, fair, bigger in size, smaller in size, beautiful, not so pretty...... etc etc... it doesnt matter to me at all... All that matters to me is that the person has a kind heart.. a forgiving mind.. someone who has empathy for others... not just sympathy but Empathy... And last but not least (in fact the most important) a open heart to accept other people's thoughts and believes... And i believe 2 of my best friends has these qualities. And they are NOT weird. I guess their definition of weird is - "different from other people"... If u look at it that way, Everyone is different so Everyone is weird! We're all weird... I'm weird... u r weird... haha...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for giving me a better day than the past 2 days...
~~~
That's all... Take Care Everyone... =)

dark...

Future looks dark....... pitch dark..........
I dont want to go in there... i dont want to go in to that future...............
no..... i wont.............................
Shall i?..........................

.............
.......
....
..
.

"God, You gave me everything... good things.. bad things and worse things... but You didnt give me one thing....... the courage to kill myself..."
"But its ok.... i'll get it myself..." =)

...

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................. This is all i've got to say...........................

~~~

Ouch!.. ouuch!! (T.T)... *sigh*

~~~

"--- Some people come into our lives and when they leave, they leave their footprints in our hearts.... but some never comes in our life but owns part of our heart and take it away when they leave..."

~~~

Today i thank God:
- for .................... erm... i dunno... for............. for........... for the food on my table (even though i've got no appetite to eat)

~~~

Take Care everyone..............

run away!

Can i run away somewhere??.... yea... far far away from everyone and everything??... so far away that no one can reach me.......?? But then again, running away from problems are not a permanent solution rite?.. unless.................... unless........................ hmm... Sometimes i feel like i just had enough!
~~~
Today instead of thanking God, i shall ask God smt:
- "God, would you be kind enough to take me to u? And not let me return to this earth"?...
~~~
Take Care everyone...

sick Again!

I am sick again!... (>.<) I think my body's immunity power has been spoilt. I must start taking care of my health.... and get some fat into my body.... (>.<)!! ....

SH: "How old are you ****a*a?
Me: "20"
SH: "But u dont look like 20 u know... u look younger than that"

I dont know isit suppose to be a complement or a criticism...

'cos an incident that happened about 2 yrs ago made me realize that when ppl say u look younger, it may not always be good... hehe!...
here's what happened:

Optician: "How old are you? 11?"
Me:*shocked face* "i'm 17......................... "
Optician: *sheepish face* "Oh.... Haha ... i see"
Me: *thinking* "hmm... u need a spectacle more than me"...

So u see its not a very nice feeling when a 17 yr old is mistaken for an 11 yr old. =)
~~~
What am i going to do for 1 month?... i feel like looking for a job. Yea just for 1 month.. Shall i?................ but ........................................................
~~~
*sigh*.......................... *sigh* .............................. *sigh* ............ ok i must stop sigh-ing now...
~~~

Today i thank God:
- for giving me a nicer day today than yesterday. =)
~~~
Take Care Everyone... =)

Finally!!

Yesh!... Finally!! Over!... its all over!!... 3 years of suffering!..haha!... nono... maybe it wasnt too much of a suffering... But still ... very happy that its over... =D ..

The presentation was not too bad. The markers were ... well... happy?... at least they didnt seem angry or annoyed. 3 of us came across as too soft spoken and the leader was ok =) . I didnt think in my membership, there was anything to say so loud and stress anything in it.

Today i forgot to bring my laptop charger!!... Of all the days, i had to forget today!!... in the end L was kind enough to lend us her laptop... =) and it went well...

Anyhow, the important thing now is that IT'S OVER! *smile*

~~~

It also means.......................................................................................................

~~~

Now i'll have to wait for attachement and then...................... Freedom!.. or isit?........................

Hmm.............

~~~

Today i thank God:

- for helping me cross this big barrier in life--> Today's presentation.

- for giving me a nice time b4 presentation =)

~~~

That's all... Take Care everyone... and thank you for praying for me... =)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/beezy/20242743/

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dsmile%26fr%3Dyfp-t-501%26ei%3Dutf-8%26x%3Dwrt&w=500&h=375&imgurl=static.flickr.com%2F3095%2F2821260432_9e29e80631.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fsarahfrance%2F2821260432%2F&size=144.2kB&name=Smile_coming+soon&p=smile&type=JPG&oid=8cc790fcdc9a4494&fusr=Sarah+France+2008&tit=Smile_coming+soon&hurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fsarahfrance%2F&no=20&tt=5,638,106&sigr=11k9gaggq&sigi=11g72oq2o&sigb=12ge6mrhm&sigh=119jnlqqn

OMG!

omg... omg... omg.... Oh My God................... *Butterflies in my stomach*
Project 99.99% done... Tmr(more like 2day... 'cos its already 2.00am) everything will be ok rite?... rite??... (>.<)...
oh God.. pls be there with me...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me finish my project on time
~~~
Take Care and pray for me everyone... (>.<)

pray for me... >.<

A pic speaks a thousand words rite?.... so i guess u know how i'm feeling now. My final presentation in this institution!... And then... and then............ leaving forever (NO!... i'm not going to die!). Just leaving the institution forever. Feels kind a sad... Not that i like going to campus too much.. Infact i hate it. The only times i like it is when i'm with S and F... Feels happy when thinking about not going back to that dreaded place... but feels sad when realizing that the loyalties cant be together as much from now on... Hmm.. actually i like my campus... Its a nice place... but... but... *sigh* i still dont like... Why??... I guess i jus like sitting in a corner of my house and rotting there! (>.<)............ Forever......... not going out........... not going anywhere....... the whole day at home........... not talking to anyone.............. not seeing anyone............ all by myself.......... all alone................... *stoned*

oh my God...

~~~

Today the whole day, i've been in front of the comp. From the time i woke up this morn until now... The only 2 hour break was to go for my *a**e lesson.

Proj Integration almost done... Report still needs to be done... Hopefully tmr night i wont have to stay up.

~~~

*SIGH* I hate being misunderstood!!... Well... That's how it has always been... all my life.. everyone misunderstands me....... i guess i just have to live with it............ or maybe i can explain to them eh?.....

~~~

Today i thank God:

- for helping me with the project integration...

~~~

That's all... Take Care Everyone...

PROJ! >.<

10pm: Integrating.................................................
11pm: Still integrating...........................................
12am: Still integrating............................................
1 am: Still integrating.............................................
1.47am : Blogging........................ *3rd time Mum waking up to ask me to slp*
~~~
After this going to continue Integrating! But at least its not like last time... I have Sat and Sun if i cant get it finished by tonight. Not like last time whereby if mon is the presentation, sun night we'll still be integrating... :P I guess this time its better than that... Hopefully the presentation will be fine?... Yea.. with God's grace..
~~~
*Sigh*
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me with the integration... yea... its alot better than i thought.. by tmr, i guess i can finish it..
- for making me laugh thru my 'nightmare' haha.. ok maybe he's not a nightmare.. hahaha!.. Fell into a drain??... hahaha!...
- for letting me be in this grp... yea really... if i were in other grps, i dont think i would have been able to take it. So yea... it just proves the saying.. 'whatever happens, happens for good' Yea...really... 'Whatever that has happened is for good, whatever that is happening is for good and whatever that is going to happen is for good also' . Sometimes, i cant help but believe in this. =)
~~~
That's all. Take Care everyone =)

drained...

i feel devastated... i'm tired... physically and emotionally... i need help... can sm1 help me?... Monday's presentation on one side; IPP -> Graduation thing on another side; and other things on another side!
When happiness comes, it comes all together... and so is the case for sadness.
* the lump on my throat is really disturbing... && a heavy rain is on the way... *
~~~
Some ppl complain of lack of love... but what if ur loved too much? ... funny isn't it?
Sometimes love makes people blind and they fail to see what real happiness is...
i feel... i feel... happy?... no... sad?.. no... like want to die?... YES!
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me with the proj in the form of Online Forum...
~~~
That's all... Take Care...

dont feel good...

My teeth hurtz!... (>.<) Every night, it hurts so bad that i have difficulty sleeping!... Yea! i already have trouble sleeping and to add on to it, comes my wisdom tooth!... In the day time, its not too bad... I guess it sprouts out more at night.
My Mum was telling me... "oh... for me, that wisdom tooth sprouted out after you were born." That was like when she was my age now!... She had me at 20 or 21... Omg! Can you imagine being married and having a baby at 21??... I definitely cant imagine me being a mother now!... So much responsibilities!!... I dont even know if i wan to.............................................. haha!.. okiez leave it...
~~~
Had a nice time with F after a long time... Talked and watched videos for some time ... =) ... Nice magic tricks... She's still paranoid about the planet Nibiru... haha!.. really laughed out loud after a long time.. Oh.. and had ice cream cone too... Our fav ice cream cone... haha!... But missed S.. How nice if she had been there too... =)
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for being able to meet F and letting us have a nice time... =)
- for letting me of abit of help to my grp mates... even though not too much.. but every bit counts rite?... =)
~~~
That's all... Take Care everyone... =)
~~~

I dont know what to do... I dont want to hurt any1 on purpose... but i have to... for the good of everyone..........................

solved the error!!

Yesh!.. i solved the error which has been disturbing my sleep for the past 2-3 weeks! I dunno ... i was just anyhow trying all kinds of things and suddenly this light came to my 'wonderful' (*ahem*)brain... "hmm... what if i try changing the 'private' to 'public'?" And guess what??... The error is gone!!.. Haha!... Stupid me!... i have wasted hours of my sleep trying to solve it... and finally its solved ... now i think more or less, the project should be ok... (hopefully)... with God's grace. =)
~~~
Sometimes being able to forget is a boon... and not everyone is blessed with that boon.................
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me SOLVE THE ERROR OF COURSE! haha!!
~~~
Take Care Everyone... =)

end of world?...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlcPWa6SomE
End of the world is near??.... 2012?...
I dont believe... i dont want to believe actually... Smt tells me that world wouldnt end so fast...
There was commotion abt end of world in the year 2000... But we are still alive right?... So... nope i dont beleieve... Even if it ends ... so what?... Just live life to the fullest and we wouldnt have to regret anything right?... Right!
~~~
Today i thank God:
- For giving me appetite to eat.. haha! (normally i would have no appetite.. and would have to force myself to eat(>.<) )
~~~
Take Care everyone... =) ...

terrible

I feel terrible... terrible... really terrible... *Sigh*...
&& Stupid talk show!... makes me feel even worse!...
God help me!....
I dont know what to do!!... Argh!...
~~~
Future seems so uncertain... Where am i going to end up?... Am i going to continue suffering with smt that i dont like or will i get what i want/like? uh oh... me started emo-ing. Maybe i'm just too tired. Or maybe the planets are not in my favourable condition... Hehe!... =)
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for ... ermm.... giving me a nice time at the T***** D*n** Lesson =)..
~~~
Take Care Everyone...

me dead!

This new teacher is of no help... (>.<). He doesnt try to understand what we want to ask or what we are trying to say... *Sigh* ... Why did she have to go... but its ok... =) Hope she and her baby will be ok... =)... She was a nice lady... When we ask her a question, she would ask us back qns to make sure she understand what we are saying. Not like this teacher. He assumes what we are saying... (>.<)... How??... if i can solve this error, 80% of the errors will be solved!!... *Sigh*
~~~

Today i thank God:
- for ... erm... i dunno.. just keeping me alive i guess.... cant think of any... but wait... i've got so much to thank for!... how can i say i have got nothing to thank God for??...
- for the food on my table...
- for the clothes i am wearing
- for my good... erm... ok health... at least i am able to walk by myself without being bedridden
- for keeping my parents and bro healthy and happy
- okok... i can just go on and on.... that's enough for today.. =)
~~~
Take Care everyone =)

5 billion more yrs for earth

yea... It is estimated that earth will be around for abt 5 billion more years before it is unsuitable for life. (if i remember correctly). Saw this show in National Geographic this morning. It says that moon and earth has really gr8 link. And that it is because of moon that we are able to live on earth. It says that long long long (yea really really long)time ago (even b4 the dinosaur era), earth was spinning soooo much faster than now and natural disasters like volcanic eruption, earth quakes and tornadoes were like daily event. Oh i almost forgot tsunami. It says that waves would reach as high as thousands of meters. As high as mountains!
By the way, tides are caused by moon rite?... so this high tide and this huge waves carried minerals into the sea and this over time created life it seems... =) . Some even believe that DNA evolved though this process.
Interesting isint it?.. =) They say that if not for the moon, we humans wouldnt exist 'cos moon made this planet conducive for human life. And maybe, we may not be looking like how we look now... hmm... Imagine if we were not like how we are now... yea we can only imagine.. haha..
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for... hmm .. i dunno... for keeping me alive?... Yea .. at least i'm alive rite?.. =)
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Project!! Aaarggh! Bye! Take Care everyone... =)
~~~

hate it...

*Sigh* I dont know what to do.... (>.<)....
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Project!! (>.<) about 9 more days for submission!! How??... Integration gives problem!!... Oh God... Help me!...
The week after next week is presentation and then... going to work. Yea.. me going to work! Life is moving so fast. The older you grow the faster the life seems to going. Hmm...
~~~
Today i thank God:
- for helping me make that teeny-weeny bit of progress in project
- for making me laugh through my brother =)
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That's all.. Take Care Everyone =)

*tired*

Tired... Really tired... =(
In the morning itself, woke up from a nightmare. I cant remember what exactly happened but i know it was about Ghost... Ok.. nevermind... Then went to sch in the aft noon all the way until about 8pm.
It looks like i just cant be punctual ever since 2009 began. Not that i was a punctual person b4 but recently, no matter what, i just cant seem to reach anywhere on time. Late for meeting, late for lesson, late for d*n**.. ~Sigh~
Maybe i just dread going out .........or maybe i dread staying at home.... or maybe i just dread LIVING!
*Sigh* I guess today was not as good. But still i have to thank God =) . Soooo.....
Today i thank God:
- for helping me make some progress in the project
- for making me laugh (thru my grp mate)... "me doing the hip-hop dance"... hahahaha!!
~~~
Miss F and S...............................
Cant wait for our beach trip =)
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Take Care everyone... =)

i'm going to miss them...

Yea... These kids... I'm really going to miss them. Even though they can be mosterous at times, they are so angelic and innocent. But i have to say its soooo difficult to get their attention to teach. Some will be in their own world and dance as they like. Sometimes i feel bad to restrict their freedom and i'll feel like jus let them dance like how they want to. But of course i cant allow them to do that... They wont learn the proper way and the lesson will turn chaotic.. Hehe.. But at the end of it, when they say, "Bye Sister", i'll feel so.... i dunno how to explain ... but the feeling is really nice =).
I wonder after i am gone, would they remember me?... I still remember my 1st teacher. He was'nt very nice.. Of course i wasnt any good in dancing then.
Then comes my 2nd teacher. She was the one who found out that i could dance... =) And my current teacher.. she made me who i am today. Of course i've got so much more to learn. And i'm no where near perfection. But still i am thankful to all my teachers. Yes... even the not nice teacher.. haha!... So...........
Today i thank God :
- for giving me gr8 teachers
- for giving me this talent
- for giving me an opportunity to teach such wonderful kids
- for giving me my parents as my parents... 'cos they allow me to pursue my talent.
~~~
Take Care everyone =) && remember to pursue your talent 'cos your talent is a God's gift!

....

Teacher checked our individual work today. He said i was ok... progressing... 3 more week... no 2 more weeks actually!!... (>.<)
~~~
The more u try to forget smt, the more u'll remember it..............*Sigh*
~~~
From today onwards, i've decided to thank God for something that has turned out good each day. Good eh?... this way i can look at my life in a +ve way.
Today i thank God:
- for helping me be able to show my work to teacher Successfully!... =)
- he didnt embaress me as much today! Thank God! (>.<) ... omg! he has become my nightmare!
- for making me smile on my way home from sch. (usually i am so emo during bus ride.. :P(cant help it!)
- =) ( feels like a dessert who just got a once-in-a-blue-moon rain).
~~~
Have a nice day everyone... =)

3 more weekz!

Went to sch for 1/2 an hour lesson... :P By right, i was supposed to reach sch by 10am but reached at 11+. And by 12pm the class finished... Haha! Came home..had lunch and sat in front of comp. PROJECT! 3 more weeks! How??...
~~~
My health is deteriorating... Ever since FYPJ started. That will be like from sep 07 onwards. What is happening to me?...*Sigh* Soon it will be attachment. Hopefully it wont get worse... hopefully...
~~~
"*--sometimes its better to bear a little hurt now to avoid a big hurt in the future--*" dont u think so?...
~~~
Have a nice day to everyone =)

war and children...

Came across this article in msn homepage --> http://news.sg.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=2068994

Its terrible... What has the world come to?... What is happening to human beings??... Why are they becoming more like animals than human beings. Maybe its a cycle rite?... i mean it says that humans evolved from monkeys/apes. Now maybe its time to go back to the real form.. where the leaders of a tribe/group will do anything to stay in power.. even to the extend of killing their own kind(humans)! Isnt that what is happening now?...

This violence will never end...(unless earth get struck by giant asteroid and all humans are wiped out and new life begins anew) ...because these children are going to grow up with the trauma they had to face during the war.Do u think they are going to forget all these?... Of course not! A child will grow up with reminders of the war like dead parents or dead friends or even dead teachers. They will grow older and some of them will turn to take revenge... And the history repeats itself!

And its not just in Israel or Gaza. How about Africa... The Rebels and the govt??... omg ... its far worse! And the Tml Tigers vs the Sri Lankan govt?... And now India and Pak is at the verge of a war. I guess the end of world is near... unless ... unless... future generation does smt about it... But how can they do anything??.... these people are sowing the seeds of revenge into the young minds!! (>.<)

~~~

May the dead rest in peace and more importantly may the ones alive live in peace too...

*Sigh*

weird dream...

Didnt do anything for project today... The truth is i jus have no idea how to continue. Opened Eclipse and stared at the codes.. Yea just kept staring...... and staring......... and staring. And then ended up talking to my Godsister. Hehe... =) My Godsister... I have a Godsister.. =)
Its really sad when i think that i have to leave her soon. *Sigh*
~~~
Had a weird dream today... For a long time, i had not had afternoon naps. But today i did. And today i ened up sleeping until 7+. I dreamt this just before i woke up. So i could remember quite vividly. A lot of things were going on... i cant remember most of it.. This is all i can remember:
It was raining. And i was travelling in _u_o . I was coming back home from shopping in town with my mother (if i'm not wrong ... cant remember exactly). Came home and straight away my cousin demanded me to remove my shoes and she wore it. =.=
And then i went out and i saw a bat... flying/ hovering over us... It was disturbing us. Me, my mother and my grandmother was there. And also a toddler. I dont know isit my baby cousin or my brother when he was young.
I tried to shoo the bat away.. But it cling on to my hand(my index finger exactly) and started biting me. I could feel the pain... (>.<) No matter how much force i used to thow it off my hand, it jus cling to my hand. And then i jus woke up. I was scared.. Another weird thing is that my grandpa was alive in my dream when in reality he is not. When i woke up, it took me about about 3-4 seconds to realize that ... "wait!... Grandpa is not alive". I looked up at http://www.dreammoods.com/ to see what it means to see a bat in dream. Here's what i found:
To see bats in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances. - gr8.. =.=
To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster. - goodie... more disaster.... *sigh*
To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources. - yup it was a vampire bat.. and i definitely know who's draining my confidence from me. *Sigh* Its not someone i can run away from. I will have to be with her for a long long time... Cant run away.... *Sigh*

Anyone know a better meaning for this weird dream?... u can tell me =)...
~~~
Hopefully tomorrow will be a productive day for project... (>.<)
~~~
Have a nice day everyone! =)
"woops... too long post... hehe"

some people.........................

About 3 more weeks to submission of project!.... only half my stuff is working!.... How?.... How???....
~~~
On the way back home, there was this girl... she stopped us(me and my friend(grp member).... but my friend ran away.. hahaha!) in the middle of the footpath and stared asking if i had about 5 mins to spare. Of course i was reluctant and tried to go off... but u see last time same thing happened and i walked off with another friend of mine then i saw their expression like ... u know ... smt like hurt... i dunno... so i felt bad that time... So this time i decided to at least hear what they have to say... So i stayed... She started off by asking if i think that Ramakrishna Home children should be given a second chance and all... and i said ... "yea". And she claimed that she is from there and she had lost her parents at the age of 7 ... bla bla bla... and that she was selling ... erm u know... those badges u pin up on the bags and all. She made them it seems... ( it looks like she bought it from sm shop)...ok nevermind... Maybe she really made it... who knows... Anyway, she was like... "please sister... u would be helping me if u buy this and alll......... then i said... "i'm sorry"... Straight away she was like... "Walao!!... i was wasting my time............. "i couldnt hear what she said after that... haha!... she walked off .... i walked off...... end of story.... =.=
Yea .... this attitude jus proves that she is fake!.... Obviously she is fake!... there was no banner, no booth, not even a card to prove that she is from where she claims to be. She looks like a typical gangster by the way.. :P . U know after that i was thinking what if i confronted her about it and demands to speak to whoever was in charge of her. I mean she has to have some higher authority in charge of her rite?.... But of course.... as usual this wonderful thought of mine came to my wonderful brain 3 mins later. By then i was like 30 feet away from her. And i cant possibly go back and confront her and make a big drama at the MRT pathway rite?.... It was so crowded somemore... haha!... She has such sucky attitude.
Sigh... some people would do jus about anything to get a little extra income... But wait... what if she was for real??.... Nah!... not possible.... haha!
~~~
Take Care every one!! && dont get fooled by this kind of people okie??.... =)
Cya...

grass is greener on the other side.........

Had the worst day yesterday! B*t**y attitude from a sales girl! Felt like slapping her face! Had no choice but to BUY FROM HER!! My bro liked it. And it was for my Dad (B'day Present). Sigh... nevermind at least Dad liked it... =) (i will never go out again!!... i'll just rot and die in this little room of mine! (>.<) .... How i wish it was possible!!... but humans are social beings.. Its not possible to live alone right??... *Sigh*)
~~~
Haven't seen my good friends for more than a month now... miss them... =) . Wish to see them ... but ..... (i'll have to go out to meet them & i HATE THAT! ARGH! (WHY ME???) ... *Sigh*)
~~~
It looks like the grass is much greener on the other side................... but sometimes it really is greener.......... Right??.... Dont u think so?....
~~~
Take Care Everyone.... =)

a lost trust..... lost forever

When a trust is broken, it is lost forever.

~~~
Leg's getting better. Tmr there's meeting. At 9.30am!! Hopefully i can make it on time... (>.<).
But its already 11.48pm and i'm still watching TV... :P Cant help it! Hehe... These people sing so well! Now i wish "How nice if i had learnt music(singing) properly!!"
ok forget it..............................................

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Have a nice day everyone! =)

leg still hurts.... (>.<)

Sigh... my leg still hurtz! I hate limping in public! Jus now on my way back from school, there was a young couple behind me. And i heard the gf say... "eh u very bad leh~ hahaha"... obvioulsy the gangster bf must have mocked my limping! Argh!... Whatever!! to some people seeing someone in pain is funny to them. Well actually it is funny... i mean my walking. I know that. When my grp mate laughed when i limped, i didnt mind 'cos she didnt mean it in a bad way and i could see that. But the gangster was .... well... mean. Haha!... obviously.
~~~
Going to have another major change in my life soon... again! Exactly like about 8 yrs ago. I hope i dont have to suffer like i did then. Hopefully now i'm matured enough to handle it... emotionally.
~~~
I am lucky to have my Mum as my Mum.... but sometimes i jus wish i was born to ANOTHER Lady... haha!... that's life rite?? U only want praises from others not criticisms.. :P .. And mothers are a child's gr8-est critics... like it or not.... hehe!
~~~
Have a Nice Day Everyone!
=))

My leg hurts! =(

OMG! my leg hurts! The back of my ankle's giving me problem as usual. Limped all the way to school and all the way back. And my grp mate was laughing at my limp.. haha! I was being stared at most of the time. Nono... not 'cos i was pretty but 'cos i was limping!! Such a funny sight it must have been.Hehe!

3 of my 4 parts for the project works!... Yippie! =) Hopefully i'll be able to do well. Right?.. Right?? Riiiiighhht! Hehe.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder.............. WHY ARE ALL ADULTS SO NARROW MINDED????
ok end of my wonder... =)

Have a nice day!... yea.. to u.... ya u... Hehe!

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year Everyone! =)
Lets pray for a peaceful year ahead... for all the people in the world!
Made any New Yr's Resolution??...
Well, i didnt.. :P
I just wont be able to keep up the resolution, so why bother??...
I'll just go with the flow... as my life has always been. 'Cos for me, life has never been like what i thought it will be. My life is a playground for "Fate". =) ... (hmm.... reminds me of some song... hehe)

Anyway, hopefully this yr will be a better yr for me.. 'cos 2008 has not been too good. But,hey, when has any yr been good to me... hehe!

Enjoy Everyone!

=)

the pic is from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/desireux/3094987864 by the way... =)