Exactly 1 month from 2day.........

The same day next month, its going to be another me... in a totally new place....  with completely new people....

What do i feel?..........................
Happy? : Yes
Scared? : Yes
Sad? : Yes
Nervous? : Yes

Well, i can just go on.......................

Another brand new change...... I'm sure i'll be able to handle it this time round.... 'cos now i know that i'm not alone.. anymore...........

Touch wood............

All these while, i used to save my tears for my pillow... It used to absorb all of it and dry up in the morning...
But now my pillow has ears to listen and mouth to console..

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I'm glad i left everything to God... He knows what's best for me....
He denied me many things to give me something great...
I'll always be grateful to Him for that... Always.....

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i miss them or they miss me...

Today i dreamt of my grandpa and grandma..... Usually when i dream of ppl who are no more in reality, it would be like as if they are alive in the dream... Means i will be talking and interacting with them in such a way that they are alive and well...

But today, it was different. I saw my grandpa. He was looking younger and healthier than he was when he was towards his last days...
When i saw him, i immediately realized that he's not alive actually... yet i was not afraid, in fact, i felt happy that i could see him again. I asked him somethings like how he is.. and so on... and he was talking to me casually and in a very easy manner "i'm fine dear" etc....
When he was alive, he never spoke to me like that... he never expressed his affection for us children... =)
And then i asked how grandma was and he said she was fine and someother things ... which i cant remember... and then i wished i could see grandma..
And suddenly, grandpa faded out of focus and grandma replaced him... I felt really happy and i spoke to her for sometime...She was also looking much healthier and younger than when i last saw her alive..
i cant remember much of what i spoke to her.... And then i woke up....................

I guess dreams are one big blessing for us humans.................. we get to see ppl and things that we truly wish to see..... without having to depend on any other technological device..

I dont know if this dream means i miss them or they miss me.....
i've got no idea...

But whatever it is, i'm happy that i got to see them.....

The Fish

Sometimes i just get fed up of myself..........!!! *ouch*!! (*^*%^%#^%&

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Recently, uncle brought a big, live fish for us.... It had been almost 1/2 an hour out of water and it still had life in it... Finally he had to break its neck to kill it................................... ermm.... yea... >.<!

Well.. that's not the point. The point is, it reminded me of those days back during my childhood when he used to bring lots of fresh water fish to our old house... It was a wonderous  sight for me and my cousin.

And it also reminded me of my grandma.... How i wish she was here right now.... She was one person who really wished to see me get married....... In fact, that was the last thing she said to me.... when i last met her alive...

While cooking, when i opened the bottle of tamarind, the smell of it brought back some other nostalgic memories of about 12+ years back....
I used to go to a distant neighbour's house together with my next house neighbour to bring fresh milk home.
And on the way, there was a tamarind tree and most of the time, we used to pick good, unopened tamarind off the ground and have it on the way to and fro.... I still remember the sweet old times i spent with that chechi and her 2 sisters....


Its surprising how a fish can bring so much memories............... =D
So this post is dedicated to the Fish which brought me back to my good old past and, of course, darn tasty it was! =D

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ouch!

I guess i spoke too soon.........................................................................


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*ouch* !

increasing heat

Sometimes i've wondered what those lovey-dovey couples speak over the phone for hours.. =D

I mean.... i've mostly believed in this.... "speak when you're spoken to" and "speak only if/when its necessary"............................ not anymore i guess.....

Sometimes certain changes in life make u realise that what u thought u learnt in life, was all rubbish! =D! And the above mentioned is one of them... 

I was a kind of a person where by i would look for my phone only when someone calls me.... or else i wouldn't even know where my phone is..................... and the maximum time spent speaking over the phone was 10 mins.... lol... 

After breaking the record of 1.5 hours, i realized u can speak for hours without anything in particular...

After disconnecting the phone, when i thought about what was spoken, i couldnt remember much.....

But i guess that's what communication is... Its not about what was spoken, but what was understood. 

I guess i'm starting to like communicating... 

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Lots of trees are cut down along the road in my place..... due to the widening of the road.... and i can actually feel the heat..... All these while, i simply wrote essays and talked about deforestation and its consequences and all but now i'm literally experiencing it... When traveling in bus, i can feel the warm air... even the wind is hot... The last time i felt this was in Madras long time back...

If cutting down this small number of trees make such great difference, just imagine what felling of a large area of forest will do to the global temperature of the world!

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Change

Have i changed?.... Do i feel any change?.... Am i supposed to change?......
=)
I dont know .....I don't know....... and....... of course, i dont know....

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Now my number of family members have increased...... It has doubled actually.....
All these while, my parents and relatives kept in contact with each other and i was part of it and i didnt have to make any special effort to maintain the good relationship with them...... but now.... it is I who should take the initiative.... And all this is really new to me....... And i have absolutely no idea how i'm going to do that......
If i were an out going and out spoken person, it wouldn't have been as difficult i guess....


But i have a feeling that everything will be alright..... i hope it will................................... =)