Flung back to the past...

Heart feels really heavy.
I feel like giving up. I really feel like giving up.
But I know I won't.

*********
I started this post with a shattered heart around 4 hours ago. Now I'm at ease... I believe.

It's heart wreaking to hear that I'm lucky that my daughter turned out to be like her dad. 
No, I'm fine with her being like her dad. But to hear it with that tone and indirect insult it's extremely painful.

I came here 2 weeks ago with a believe in myself that what I'm doing for my daughter is fine. Not perfect but fine. But right now, I'm the old low self esteemed being i once used to be.
Just some time back, i mechanically did what I was told to do even though i knew it wouldn't work. I felt like a puppet again.
Until around 5 hours back, i had only done what I thought was right and would work.
Until 5 hours back, i didn't care about what they would  think of me or how they would react if I didn't follow their instructions.

Now i do.
With just one sentence, they have managed to fling me back to the past and bury me in the old state of mind.

Now I feel nothing. Just tears flowing out of my eyes.
I'm at ease... I believe.