It's been a long time... so time to release my pent up emotions.
My overwhelmed emotion got so bad this time that i had to look for a therapist online.
It all started 5-6 days back. Idon't know why but i just had this intense feeling of congestion in my chest/stomach area.. not the physical kind of congestion but i just felt like some kind of force/tension in that area. I could literally feel it ... damn it!
The next day it was something else altogether. It was anger. Extreme anger for God knows what. I had never experienced this much of anger for so long. I was throwing utensils around in the kitchen. Just the sight of unclean things irked me. The house was in a mess. My toddler was adding to the mess. The emotion was mounting so bad that yesterday i started shouting and venting my frustration on my poor child. Every time i lost my temper with my child i would cry with guilt. I was basically crying the whole day.
In the afternoon, after a bout of crying spells, i decided to look for a therapist / psychologist online right then and there. (I couldn't let my child be a victim of my extreme emotions ) I found one. Booked an appointment at 7pm in the evening. It was a chat session. I decided to do a chat session because i know i wouldn't be able to talk as half the session i would be crying. This way (chat) i could cry and communicate at the same time. It was helpful to a certain extend. I had someone to listen to. Its like i had to pay someone 900Rs to listen to me for 40minutes. I'm gonna have to start working so that i can earn to pay someone to listen to my problems. Wow!
Well, she is the one who suggested that i start writing (again). Apparently these emotions built up over days/months/years makes us feel this way and something may trigger it and this is what usually ends in crying spells and stuff.
I kind of have an idea what triggered it. Well, at least i think so.
For the past 1 week, i have been reading articles from The Straits Times (a news paper in Singapore) about the Covid 19 spread in India. Its not the article that affected me but the comments that i saw for that article. The horrendous comments about India, its people, its government....... just broke my heart.
Apparently a few people from India who had gone to Singapore have been found to be covid positive. Again the heinous comments started pouring in. We were irresponsible, apparently, we were taking up the jobs of the locals.. we were taking the whole of our village there and ................................ i don't think i want to go on.....
These kind of comments just made me so angry. I mean is this what these people had in their minds all along.....about us Indians? There was one comment that said after infesting Singapore, Indians are looking for greener pastures like Europe. What the hell man.... I'm not the patriotic kind but this just made me almost topple the table over. I'm glad i left that place for heaven's sake!!
*Sigh* I feel like i got a load off my chest.... My therapist was right. I really need to start writing again.. To escape from this loneliness and this mundane life. I guess i only have myself to rely on. No one else and nothing else.
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On another note, I kind of have some ideas sparking in my mind. I think i might act on it soon. =)!!
Good luck to me!
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I don't know if anyone reads my blog... If someone does, I'm sorry for the depressing posts.. This is my outlet to vent my feelings.
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